I'm Geek and that's OK

There’s something bugging me and I want to put the record straight.

Just because I don’t enjoy wearing clothes I’m uncomfortable in, shoes that make me want to amputate my toes and drinking so much I can’t remember falling down the stairs, doesn’t mean I don’t have fun. It’s just a different kind of fun.

The fact is I would much rather spend my free time at home (or my other home) with my husband and the three closest friends I have. I bet we have just as much fun as anyone enjoying a night out, only we’re warm, comfy and not being judged by everyone else. Plus when the hour is late and it’s time to sleep, there is the bonus of not having to wait for taxis and spend a fortune just to get to bed.

I use my leisure time exercising my imagination, having a laugh, occasionally shooting some Tequila (you know just to stay in character), rolling funny shaped dice, killing mythical beasts, reading comics about characters who have far more interesting lives and experiencing the closest thing to being a superhero as I’m ever going to get. I in no way feel I’m missing out on everything else.

Yes! Dice can have more and less than 6 sides!

To be told “you want to get out more” is rude and I say “No I don’t”. And why would I? ‘Out’ is full of people I don’t know, probably won’t like and have very little in common with. So what if I live in my imagination, what’s so great about the reality outside my front door?

Don’t get me wrong, once a year around Christmas I will have a go, I’ll put on my ‘socially acceptable’ going clothes and shoes and try and have that sort of fun. And yes there are moments I enjoy, but the majority of the time it’s a façade, I’m actually waiting until its late enough to go home without appearing a party pooper. Honestly I’m just not comfortable in that situation.

I understand people’s reactions; it can be difficult for me in social situations not of my choosing, everyone sharing stories of what they've been up to, everyone laughing about what they got up to at the weekend. And to be completely honest it can get a little lonely in those moments, but I try, I join as best as I can. Unfortunately me turning round with “my husband joined the evil group of magicians and quite frankly I want him off the team” tends to cause a contagious case of frowning all around.

When it comes to my turn to share, it is likely to involve stories about a world nobody else understands. Comics, gaming, long since cancelled sci-fi shows, amongst the subjects I enthuse about. What I am grateful for is those moments when people make an effort to engage me in my topics, and I thank you. Yes I will go a little overboard, just a tad, because I have so much to share and I can only hope you learn a little something about who I am.

I spent my teenage years not knowing where I belonged, it wasn’t fun and it involved a lot of turmoil. Then I met my husband and his friends and I finally felt like I was home. For 14 years I have had three friends and my husband as a constant, to share my loves, interests and family with and they are all I need.

So if you find me sitting in a the corner reading a graphic novel, or jumping up and down in excitement about a comic hero coming to the big screen. I ask you not to feel sorry for me, or assume I am in some way missing out on a life. I have a happy life full of love and friendship. We all have common interests and I make an effort to engage you in these, so if I go a little left of target, smile, accept that it makes me happy and be my friend.

Avengers Gag Reel - almost more awesome than the film!

I could watch these guys mess it up all day. It looks like it was a ton of fun to film and how could it not have been! 

Manchester EXPO & Comic Con...

WARNING: If you don't like pictures of kids geeking out leave now. I know it has been a while since the Comic Con, but being at home with the kids during the summer hols consumes a whole lotta time and leaves me exhausted by the end of the day so I haven't really had a chance to post about it yet. However, I have about an hour before one of the little geeks will demand my attention so I would like to share some of my pictures from the Manchester comic con on the 21st of July. This con was special because it  was my children's first time and I made them cosplay (made them in a nice way, there was no forced face painting or anything).

Maddie is 9 and I tried to persuade her to be Wonder Woman or Supergirl but she had her own idea - pokemon. At first she wanted to be Misty but I couldn't find an appropriate and inexpensive ginger wig, so her next choice was Pikachu. Xander on the other hand was much easier to please just close your eyes and pick from his dressing up pile. He went with Captain America in the end I think mainly because he got to carry  a shield, plus it was also clean which is always a bonus. He wasn't so keen on the full forehead paint  still he looks awesome.

We pre-booked our tickets but the queues were still long, however the great thing about this kind of event is it is there is always something to look at whilst queuing. From Tony Stark too Ghost Busters, strange and colourful anime characters I don't know, as well as any superhero you can think of.  So though long, the line did move quickly and in no time we were in. 

It was packed! We got in about 10:30am and you could hardly move, which isn't a good sign so early in the morning. But I wasn't going to let invasion of my personal space stop me, so onward we trekked through the jungle of heroes, geeks, nerds some hipsters and other such creatures you would expect to find in this habitat. 

Along the way I could here people commenting about the cuteness of my children and it made me so proud. People asked if they could have their picture take with them, and me like some toddlers and tiaras crazy mum encouraged it. Thankfully the kids were happy to take part and not shy in asking for pictures with other cosplayers.

I'll be honest, it wasn't as good as the London Expo & Comic Con, but I didn't expect to be. I was just happy that Manchester was getting one. It made an effort, with the Robot Wars and a sort of exhibit made up of a sci-fi props, which was cool. I was pleased to see quite a few independent comic creators doing sketches and selling their wares. I always find these people pleasant, friendly and easy to talk too without being too pushy with the sales pitch.

The most exciting bit for my daughter was meeting Clare Thomas from Young Dracula seeing her getting so excited reminded me of the time I met Brent Spiner  and James Marsters a few years ago. It filled me with such geek infused joy to see her experiencing the same passion for the things she loves.  

As usual with these sorts of events I didn't have enough money to buy all the things I want to, but I don't think I ever will so it's just something I have to live with. I did pick up a super sexy Wonder Woman to add to my collection and a couple of button badges. Maddie bought herself a comicbook by Matt Dyson. Xander got himself an awesome Batman Hot Wheels monster truck. So they both came home tired and happy.

Girl Captain America' ass

Everyone enjoyed the day, though by the end we were weary and hot, but I think that is always a sign of a good day. So how would I sum up the day and advise others for the future. The con had elements of everything geeks love, from gaming stations to exhibits, a few minor minor celebs and lots of things to buy. Oh and Warwick Davies, he was there with his family and a very big queue to meet him.

I definitely recommend taking your own lunch and drinks, the 'food hall' wasn't very impressive and very very busy, no just popping to get a drink, it was quicker to leave the con and pop round the corner to a shop. A packed lunch on the steps outside in the sun was actual a really fun part of the day. Seeing all the different cosplayers hanging out in their affiliated groups made me realise 'these are my kind' which considering I spend most of my time with people who don't know what basic things like what Firefly is or a even what a d20 is, was quite refreshing.

To anyone wondering whether it is worth it let me reassure you it is, the price was reasonable and well worth it. We went to geek out and that's exactly what we did. 

  

Just 31 jokes for nerds...

One year on...

One year today we lost our best friend. The most devastating day of our life. 


I made a decision in the days that followed  that I couldn't allow this to break me, as sad as I was and still am it would achieve nothing to dwell. I know with certainty that it would have angered  Jer to throw our lives away and give up. So I didn't I sought comfort in those I love and sought professional help when it got too much, and I am glad I did.


I learnt that the sadness I had felt before Jerry's passing was nothing compared to the raw sadness I feel with grief, an overwhelming rush of emotion that I have had to train myself to rein in and cope with. Never underestimate the power of a few deep breaths to restore enough calm to be able to carry on.


This year I have discovered how strong I can be when I really have to be and I have been braver then I have ever been required to, I have surprised myself. 


One of the hardest things to accept is that it has all been real and these things do happen to me. Without before experiencing a real tragedy I found myself living my life with a false sense of security, a feeling that bad things happen to other people and I was safe from that. Of course as many people know that is not true and at anytime someone you love can be ripped away without explanation or justification. In some respects I am now more scared of life, I see danger more than I did and think about the worst case scenarios more than ever.


I'm not at all religious, I don't know what happens when you die but I don't believe in the standard heaven scenario. However, I do find myself a little jealous of people with faith and the comfort belief can offer. I have been searching for my own little comfort, some indication that there is more out there just to set my mind at rest. I'll be honest sometimes I have thought there have been signs, silly as it sounds, none of which I wish to share but enough to give me a little hope. Many people will probably explain it as 'if you want to see it you will', well so be it, anything to make coping easier.


Life is a lonelier now, Jerry was the only person we socialised with in the town in which we live and it had been that way for 14 years. The majority of our weekends are now like every other night of the week. The responsibility of children and finances mean we can't even occupy ourselves going out, but time moves on and it becomes something you get used to.


We have our other best friends just far enough away so that getting together is costly so I appreciate that time with them more than ever and look forward to it. I have thought about going out there and making new friends, but at the moment it seems an impossible task. At 33 I didn't imagine I would need to make new friends, but I'll just have to see how that goes.


I think I should end this blog on a positive note, and there have been a few personal positives in this year. I took a big step and did a couple of things I always wanted to.


First thing I did was dye my hair purple, not a massive thing you my think but for me it was a brave move. Something I wanted to do for so long but fear of societies reaction had always stopped me, and this is where the bravery comes in. I suddenly developed the attitude 'you only live once'. I realised that I have once chance to experience the things I want to and I wasn't about to let the attitude of people I didn't care about stop me. Those who love me will support me, those who don't I couldn't give a shit about anymore. I am pleased I did and have loved it, and though I am going back to blonde, I am pleased that I can say this is because I am tired of keeping up with the purple and not because some moron has intimidated me into it. 


My other achievement was to GM a game. I wrote a story and became the Games Master. The thought of doing this before has always left me sick to my stomach and I frequently kicked myself for not giving it a go. But I finally thought "What have I got to loose?". I was going to be running a game for my closest friends, people I trust to make things as easy for me as they could. I was pleased with the result considering it was my first try. I accept I have a lot to learn but this can only come with practise, something I am willing to do. Whilst I am back to being a player at the moment, something I  have missed, I'm certain I will GM again in the future. I am proud I was able to overcome some of my fears, but am sad it took losing a best friend to make me do it. 


Not a day goes by that I don't think of Jerry, but I expect that will continue for many many years to come. I miss him and so much of him is around us, but I'm glad for that. Sometimes the tears come when I don't expect them and sometimes the memories make me smile when I don't expect it. So, I guess, we're doing ok. Now I'm off for a shot of Tequila, a few deep breaths and a hug.

Good times 1999

For the fashionably sexy geek

I truly believe we are in the rise of the girly geek, no longer is comic or geek culture solely under the ownership of men. I myself have been a Trekkie since the tender age of 11 and was brought up on a substantial diet of sci-fi TV. Comics are a reasonably newer addition to my life started reading them 6-7 years ago and collecting for almost 3 years, however one of  my earliest memories is spinning around in my garden pretending to be Lynda Carters Wonder Woman. So when it comes to expressing my geek side through clothes I am becoming aware that fashionistas are beginning to realise the huge market for girls like me. So I have been browsing and found a number cute, sexy and basically awesome fashion pieces that I love and think you will too. 


Let us start with one for the Trekkie - Vulcan earrings, let out your inner Spock.

If you don't already know I am a massive Doctor Who fan and so this is just a beautiful must have piece, plus it's bigger on the inside.

Even geeks need sun and holidays, so these are ideal and they definitely are the droids you are looking for.

For my square flat feet high heels are a form if torture, however on the rare occasion when circumstances require them I choose these and made by DESIGNEDBYDIVAS 

and of course I'll require sexy stockings

Now for some jewelry picks 

PI necklace

There is lots and lots more I could pick, which is a good thing but these are my top picks for today.

Just Wonder Woman

Classic and sweet

Nerdy hotness!

Gritty